MWA-HA-HAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAA!! Official word count tally is 52,834. *w00tage!
Another plus is I actually finished my story this year.
I am beyond thrilled. I am actually on the verge of tears. When I saw my certificate, I even started welling up. *sniff*

This makes it four years in a row and counting.

BOO-YAH BABY!!



~::This entry was originally posted at http://on-the-wing.dreamwidth.org/72434.html. Please feel free to comment here or over there using OpenID.::~

If you'd like to see Thor's Christmas photo shoot and get the story of why it turned into one instead of a simple picture with Santa, Mommie Diarist is the place to be. Sneak preview behind the cut.
( Read more... )

"Don't you dare tease me about this"
*teasing ensues*
"You are so predictable. I knew you were going to do that."
"Hey, I wasn't going to do it until YOU brought it up!"
"Yes you were. I could hear you saying it in your head."

....

Yesterday was a hardcore writing day for me. I was a bit behind the Word Count Eight Ball, but I managed to keep my focus together enough to where I pulled over 6,000 in an afternoon. I am officially over the 40,000 word hump!

YES! Much w00tage!

The remaining 10,000 will not be as laborious or straining because I am getting to the juicy-filled adventure part of the story. Once I venture into that tasty tid bit, my fingers will be a blur upon this keyboard.

This entry was originally posted at http://on-the-wing.dreamwidth.org/72058.html. Please feel free to comment here or over there using OpenID.

For those of you who are newer to my blog, this is about a deep subconscious journey to fix my problems that seem beyond my conscious will. I'm using lucid dreaming (where you're awake and able to choose your action in a dream) as a means to interact with my subconscious mind directly. I've learned most of the symbolic system of my dreams and used that knowledge to change up the game-- to stop the automatic behaviors that end up being repeating mistakes. Rays are the programs from the authority figures in our life growing up-- they are the messages that eventually become automatic to us-- but the unfairly biased ones create Shadows, or parts of ourselves we reject per Jung's definition. I've simply taken the concept a bit further to address the Rays that cast the Shadows (out) in the first place. Many of my Rays are hurting me, and the only way I know to effect them-- to "reprogram" them to work FOR me rather than against me is through dreams... the only place where we can meet on somewhat equal footing. (Please forgive the length-- LJcut isn't working for me.)

Its been some time since I've written of my Dream Quest. Yet, it has not been forgotten. I'm alert to any special dreams and I continue to pay attention. Evidently, progress is being made.

When last we left our Dream Quest (for which I am making a separate tag there are so many of those posts now...32!) the Rays were trying to get me to slow down, back off, anything but continue this self-work I'm doing to work on these inner demons of mine: http://lucretiasheart.livejournal.com/609899.html

When the Dream Quest began, my White Guide sent me off into the deep, dark realms of my own mind to confront the damaging Rays which were holding me back. She sent with me special orbs on necklaces to put around the necks of the Rays who were working against me rather than for me: http://lucretiasheart.livejournal.com/353269.html

All along, I have wondered who the extra big orb was for-- no one Ray seemed as badly put-together as all that! And would it be a Ray of my father? NO. I found my father-representative in my mind, and he was mainly just a concept of "monster" that none of my Shadows was really taking seriously anymore, its almost like they were just pretending to be scared of him to be polite or something:

So WHO was my inner "Big Bad" -- my ultimate game "Boss?"

In this morning's dream I FOUND OUT! THIS dream was so good-- I'm barely awake but I'm almost shaking in excitement.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
It started with the image of me riding around in the head of this HUGE robot that was wandering the landscape. Next, I was seeing out of the eyes of the robot through a viewscreen at a remote station far away. A bunch of men were standing around, trying to work the controls (they called themselves 'The Controllers.)' But they were upset because the giant robot was heading their way- searching for them! They were afraid it would find them and mash them to bits!

Obviously, the giant robot is my big body, doing its thing in the world-- me in my waking, conscious life. The Controllers were pulling levers and pushing buttons and making the Robot do what they wanted at certain times-- my subconscious automatic reactions to things! Given my Dream Quest, its obvious why they're freaking out at the idea of the Giant Robot becoming aware of them and getting pissed at what it (I) discover!

The man in charge of The Controllers-- the TOP Controller if you will!-- fled the Control Station and was attempting to find The Spy who was "on the ground" and capture him or her along with a few of his friends. Everyone 'on the ground' [or, as we would would say, 'in the Dream-Realm'] was in absolute AWE of this guy. He even had an official title: The Pull Man. I learned this from overhearing news reports and radio dispatches while watching the Giant Robot on the viewscreen.

I saw the Giant Robot (boy, it really was big, too!) crossing a huge bridge into The Pull Man's territory-- what looked like a quaint and expanded English Village. There was panic from some 'down below' with people screaming and fleeing their cars and such. While, interestingly, others 'down below' seemed absolutely calm and went about their business without concern. They just moved politely out of the Giant Robot's way. SOME were actually cheering the Giant Robot's progress! [Awww! Thanks, Guys!]

In the next scene, I joined with those 'on the ground down below' and became The Spy following The Pull Man and disguised as one of his small group of top assistants. I opened the door of the car The Pullman arrived in and then followed his group. I listened to them discuss where to find this Spy-- and took in as many details of The Pullman as I could. He was top dog in this world, that much was certain! He was like a little, proper, Englishman, with a bowler hat, dark suit, and briefcase. Of interest was his symbolic color-- a very dark green, almost black, with a shimmer of irridescent green over it. He was about my height, and of slight build. But his power was not in might, but rather with his cleverness and scheming ways. He was not a good guy, I could tell. But he kept his power over the Dream Realm (subconscious) by masquerading as its only protection. He prevented the Giant Robot from destroying the village, you see-- so everyone gave him all this power. He had knowledge and fantastic gadgets to use against the Robot. In fact, he ofter turned the robot against HIS enemies, using it as he chose for his own selfish reasons. I disliked him intensely, but I was surprised that the most powerful guy in the village could be so... uninspiring and almost comical, really. And what was with that name... the "Pull Man"?? WTF?! What in the hell did he PULL?

The Pull Man stopped at a phone booth (the old English kind) when it rang and he answered it. [Like the phone booths here were his version of cell phones or something..?] He listened for a few minutes and then put down his briefcase. He looked around at everyone suspiciously, announcing that The Spy was among them right now-- FIND HIM! I thought that was it for me, as I had not yet turned lucid in the dream, and was deep into the plot line and imagery of the Dream still. Yet to my surprise, one of the other guys-- who I recognized as my friend for some reason, began to run away! I realized this was the perfect distraction for me to make a break for it!

The Pull Man directed his second to pull this weird, horn-like device out of The Pull Man's briefcase and point it at my friend. This huge horn with an engine on the back of it came out of the small attache -- and the dream became much more dream-like. [It started to twitch my awareness a bit-- was I in a movie? How did this reality work again?] The horn part-- like a trombone or something-- was pointed at my fleeing ally and activated. Suddenly, a great sucking wind whipped up and my friend was literally sucked into the device! OH! So THAT was why they called this guy The Pull Man... because he pulled things right out of existence! He was sort of like God in that way here.

But I didn't watch most of the process, I was too busy trying to get away myself! I had crossed a great open yard running for a group of huge oak trees and a stone manor-- they seemed the best cover against a magical vacuum do-hicky. Yet the device was next turned upon me, and I could tell very quickly that there was no way I'd make it! The wind whipped up and I began to slide on the grass backwards.

Then something strange happened (like, the rest of this is perfectly average--?) and one of the oak trees suddenly had all these multicolored streamers tied around it. Long ones, all the colors of the rainbow! They were sucked towards the Pull Man, same as myself, right to me so I could grab them. [Some part of me recognized what these things meant-- but at the moment I was too busy pulling myself away from the sucking thing using them to stop and ponder it all. More below.]

I made it to the line of oak trees, away from the worst of the sucking power, and was able to let go of the streamers and awkwardly run-- but it was still a struggle to cross from tree to tree trying to get to the stone manor. My goal was to go around the corner where the wind would lose it's grip. Meanwhile, the Pull Man had grabbed a bull horn and was speaking to me: "Turn back at once! You must do as I say. If you do not, everything you hold dear-- everything that you love and care about-- will be destroyed." [His voice was very distinct, sort of flat and resonant at the same time, like a radio announcer from the 40s with an East Coast accent-- like he was from Harvard or something. Like John F. Kennedy, for example.]

I made it to the corner of the building and ran for all I was worth, wondering frantically what to do. I'd soon run out of hiding places!

Meanwhile, behind me, the device was turned off, and the lackey that was using it had picked it up and run after me! Once he had me in his sights again, I'd be back in the same boat! For some reason, I thought of the streamers and they tweaked my mind and made me think of doing something other than running. I saw a big stone fallen from the manor and grabbed it and ran back to the corner of the building. When the Lackey showed up [I noted he wore black and white vertical stripes in a suit and a bowler hat as well-- hmmm!] I conked him on the head and knocked him out, and then grabbed the device!

Triumphant, I held it in my hands for a moment. Just then, the comlink walkie-talkie thing the Lackey had attached to his suit made a noise. I heard The Pull Man through it, "Do you have her. Is the Spy secured?" [Oh! NOW I'm a "her!"] I bent down and grabbed the weird little comlink and held it in my other hand-- and suddenly BOOM--! I WENT LUCID!

Oh my! It all started to come together then, and I pressed the button on the comlink and said to The Pull Man. "Oh, the Spy is secured alright. You mother fucker, I AM the Giant Robot!" and woke up!!
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sadly, I awoke before being able to put the Orb healing necklace around the neck of The Pull Man to bring him round. However, now I know who the Big Bad is! Essentially, its the ultimate program-- the notion that there is some power out there, some God, some Authority, that can take everything away from me, just like the little man said. The superstitious belief that one wrong move provokes punishment of some sort. The grip of fear I often feel myself caught up in is manipulated by this little Ray. It seems quite obvious now that I've met him- yet until this dream I never would have guessed. The Pull Man is my wee inner [English] God.

Final note: The multi-colored streamers, hats, and vertical-striped suit gave me a clue that the supposed Lackey was in fact my secret helper, The Faery Jester. More on that from this recent dream, here: http://lucretiasheart.livejournal.com/646496.html

Cleaned my kitchen, which was laid waste not with Thanksgiving fare, but with normal, "Oh, Lane was in the kitchen," sadness. Have scrubbed my oven. Now have the self clean feature turned on.

Last week, I made it 5 minutes into that feature before my house filled with smoke. I am smarter today and turned on the hood vent, aimed a fan at it to encourage the smoke into the hood vent, and have opened windows and turned on ceiling fans full blast. Thor is at my mom's so if the smoke detectors go off again, at least it won't freak him out.

Happy Thanksgiving!






May your blessings be counted, may your tummy get pie, and may you be surrounded by loved ones on this day.

Ah, Thanksgiving prep!
I've peeled enough potatoes to throw a Dan Quayle at!

This is the latest I've found for what is supposedly happening in the Ukraine.

(Interestingly, after my last update, a guy from Russia Friended me and then Unfriended me a few days later. I think he was doing searches and ran into me that way.)

Please note- it is not from a mainstream news source, but rather one of the better of the conspiracy/whistleblower sites called Project Camelot.

http://www.projectcamelot.org/

(Can't get cut to work-- so here is a link to a back-dated entry with the report in full: http://lucretiasheart.livejournal.com/645553.html )

I don't know what to believe as of yet. Just think its interesting enough to keep an eye out on... maybe stock up on some vitamin D? (New conspiracy theory-- vitamin D manufacturers came up with this story and spread it? Let's hope!)

A part of me thinks back to that dream I had last year that said Thanksgiving 2008 would be the last Thanksgiving we ever had-- or maybe it was this Thanksgiving 2009... the language wasn't super clear, but it couldn't be any later than this one. And last year we had the financial crash and subsequent crisis and this year the only "Dream Theme" that keeps repeating appears to be about Swine Flu. Trouble is, Swine Flu is one of the mildest flus in history-- so where did all the hub-bub stem from in 3 people's dreams? It had better not be THIS. (I say like I can make demands on the universe...)

So, um, yeah-- Happy Thanksgiving and stuff. I mean, stuffing. *<-- lame joke attempt*

Holy crap! Just the other day I received 8 Google Wave invites and within that same day they all went POOF!

Well, guess what? For those who missed out the first time, you get a second chance!

I have ANOTHER 8 INVITES which could use some good homes.

If interested, please leave a comment with your email addy and I will add you to the list.
Comments with private info will be screened.
This is first come, first serve.

EDIT: 6 invites left!

I couldn't resist...

Mama?

Step One
•Make an LJ post. It can be public or friends only, whatever you’re most comfortable with.
The post should contain your list of ten holiday wishes, and these wishes can be anything - from simple (a fan fiction written about your favorite pairing), to medium (a DVD you want), to really extravagant (a brand new laptop or car).
Just make sure these are wishes for things you really truly want.

Step Two
•Skim through your friends list and see who has posted their own wish lists.
Then - and this is the most important part - if you find a wish you can grant, and it’s in your heart to do so, make sure that person’s wish comes true.
Sometimes a person’s trash is another person’s treasure.
If you have a leather jacket you don’t want or a gift certificate you’re never going to use, give it to someone who wants it.

Step Three
• Post this wish list any time after November 1st. Then repost it two weeks before Christmas.
• You needn't spend money on these wishes unless you want to.
The point isn't to put people out, it's to provide everyone a chance to be someone else's holiday fairy--to spread the joy.
Gifts can be made anonymously or not--it's your call.

• There are no rules with this project, no guarantees, and no strings attached.
Just...wish, and it might come true. Give, and you might receive.
And you'll have the joy of knowing you made someone's holiday special.

EMBER'S WISHES
1. A new hairstylist. Mine has dropped off the radar and now I have no one to do my three toned red hair. *pout* I want someone who is damn good and is NOT afraid to use color. Also, someone who follows direction and is not afraid to tell me if my ideas might not work with my hair.
2. THIS in Kiwi/Steel or Kiwi/Black. Because even a wicked witch needs something to hold all her yarn in. :)
3. These beauties. And they're on sale!
4. A GC for Powells.com.
5. A GC for Amazon.com.
6. Steampunk / vintage icons. I love things in sepia old world colouring, typewriters, keys, cogs/gears. There are NOT enough steampunk icons out thar.
7. Anything hand made. Really. I love fingerless gloves, scarves, and hats. I wear them often in chilly or downright freezing weather.
8. These gorgeous lovely boots in gray, size 10.

For the past few weeks my sleeping has been a bit sporadic. Nothing detrimental or disturbing, just a lot of tossing and turning and waking up more tired than I was when I went to bed. Some dreams were there, others got lost in the cellophane whisper of waking up. Yet that has all changed thanks to last night.

I am looking for a job. That is nothing new. I am one of thousands upon thousands of people in my state who have been searching for a job for almost a year now. It can be frustrating, depressing, and very tasking on one's sense of self worth. Last night I started a special 9-day crafting to draw My Ideal Job to me and I believe that performing such a positive, affirming ritual has shifted my brain into a happier frame of mind. So happy that last night while I slept like a baby, I had the most weird and coolest sort of dreams.

One segment had me at a university out in the woods. Cabins were the classrooms, all the students wore gray uniforms, and we were being instructed by the Japanese. The courses I was taking were math and English and the assignments were daunting (eg. Solve 100 math equations and then create 100 of your own, due tomorrow morning). As were the instructors strictness of follow-through. Yet in the end, we would get a holiday break of a month and a half. In other words, you work hard you can play hard.

Another segment had angels. One was a burly man with dark black wings and another looked like a little hippie. He was about 5'3", large white wings, hand long hair, and wore a hemp shirt and drawstring pants. He was flying near an airplane which was suffering from technical difficulties and would have crashed if he had not swooped along, adjusted the wing with his bare hands as if it were made of tin foil, and guided the plane in.

One other segment had me out on a date with a guy who looked very much like younger Liam Neeson. Heh.

I was also on a jet with Amanda Palmer and her crew and we were taking silly photos with her iPhone.

Finally, I was in a movie theatre watching this apocalyptic film and the actress who played Kara "Starbuck" Thrace in BSG was staring in it. She played this kick-ass heroine who was going to bring down the bad guys who brought on all this destruction to the city. She had climbed into a secret passage to get to their main HQ so she could sabotage them from within. The camera then moves to the bad guys talking strategy (They had set up HQ in a very cool, and old looking library. Don't ask.). Head Villain asked 3rd In Command if they covered their asses. No lose ends. 3rd In Command nervously said, "Yes. Of course, sir." Head Villain tosses a very full looking organizer planner onto the table. It was busting out of the seams with papers.

"We have to make sure this does not happen. Because THIS is the most dangerous thing out there we face!" He points to the dayplanner.

"Why is that, sir? It is such a small thing." 3rd In Command has no spine, of course, hence his ranking.

"Nothing can threaten us but THIS. No missiles, no secret ops, no Navy Seals. THIS is our most dangerous enemy. The Girlfriend!"

"Sir?"

The Head Villain opens up the dayplanner and out pours all these journal pages with sketches and plans and clippings --- of a wedding to be. Written on the inside cover was a pledge to her man she would do anything to save him. "A woman in love is VERY dangerous. The Girlfriend will do whatever it takes to save her man. She will do anything for Love. So, 3rd In Command, tighten up security, get our tanks on the perimeter, because she is coming and we will be in for one hell of a fight."

I laughed pretty damn hard when I awoke. You do realize, of course, that some of this is going into my NaNoWriMo today.

Gods, sometimes, I really love how my mind works.

This entry was originally posted at http://on-the-wing.dreamwidth.org/71900.html. Please feel free to comment here or over there using OpenID.

After acquiring my Google Wave invite from my F-List a few weeks ago, I can now finally return the favor. I have been given 8 invites, so first come first serve.

Please note that your invite will not be sent immediately, it will take time, perhaps up to a week or so. Just be patient. :)

Any one who is interested in trying out Google Wave, please leave your email addy in the comments below. No worries, they will be screened for privacy.

EDIT: We now have 7 6 5 4 2 ONE left. ALL GONE! Thanks for playing everyone!

I haven't been writing much lately. What the hell's up with THAT, anyway?

Well-- to start-- my hours are way up as the Xmas shopping season is off and running and most of my down time is spent whimpering piteously in a fetal position rocking to and fro, whilst hallucinating Xmas musak...

... not really.

I'm just wiped out at the end of my day and ready to curl up with some movies, a book, or a phone call-- as I have not the energy to 'get on' the computer and do my usual routine. Only a few weeks left of torturous customer hell and then all will be right with the world again.

Yesterday, one of my newly hired co-workers (we'll call her 'Marla') was verbally attacked and disparaged by a customer who complained because our aisles are filled with boxes needing to be stocked PLUS copious overstock. (We had 2 double-load trucks come in last week since no trucks come on holiday weeks.) We really need an extra person on the floor but corporate decided to cut hours even though our discount retail stores are making good profits even as compared to a normal, non-recession, year. It makes for a big mess. So, the complainer had a legitimate point. And, were they to bitch to me, I would have told them so! Generally, I use such moments as a golden opportunity to complain about corporate fucking us little people to line their pockets. Disgruntled customer feels validated and heard and life goes on smoothly. I like to start off with the words, "You are absolutely right!" and go from there. It works like a charm, even with totally crazy people.

( Retail drama ensues )

Thanks to ugali, there is now an image in my head of Muppet Firefly.

You can't take the Rainbow Connection from me...

I have my first sub assignment lined up--first unless another one becomes available between now and then. So far, I am going in for a 2 day assignment with a 2nd grade class, which I think is a good beginning. 2nd Graders still like teachers, and are fairly honest, and concerned with impressing authority figures. Having two days with them means being able to build some rapport and get a feel for the rhythm of the room. Then, when I work again, I'll have that solid experience behind me.

I emailed the classroom teacher and asked her for any tips or special instructions, and told her I was looking forward to working with her students and hoped for a successful couple of days. Maybe she'll email me back and tell me which Little Johnny is the one most likely to set my shoes on fire.

This is pretty exciting. I'm going to treat it like a job interview, and I'll be dropping off my teaching portfolio with the principal's office as a calling card.

The only downside is that I have to be at the school at 7:30 am! That means I need to leave my house by 6, to be at the school by 7 because I want to be there early. Maybe Thor would like to spend the night prior with his grandparents?

Writers use many tools to help craft their stories. Some use outlines, others use the snowflake method, a few might use index cards, and then there are those of us who use tarot cards.

When I prep for NaNoWriMo in October, I try and create an outline of plot points and a few character sheets. Nothing too detailed because I would like the characters to help write the story and see where they take it, but nothing so flimsy I am left pounding my redhead on the desk due to lack of direction.

My plot bunny is angsty and I am currently experiencing the dreaded writer's block.

My outline shows me how the story gets started and how it will end, yet that part in the middle? Kinda fuzzy. Currently my MC is traveling to an otherworld and though I know what her demise may or may not be, I am having frustrations over what other incidents will happen on her journey before the big ending. That is where my tarot cards come in.

Using tarot cards to ignite imagination for a writer is nothing new. Corrine Kenner wrote about it extensively in "Tarot for Writers" and my dear friend, Jaymi Elford, also discusses this technique in her blog at Shades of Maybe. Yet this is the first time I have adopted this tool for NaNoWriMo.

Since I am writing a dark fairy tale with no fairies, I figured the perfect deck would be "Tarot of the Sweet Twilight" (Artwork by Cristina Benintende, published by Llewellyn). It is dark and sweet. I love it. (Ed. Note - this is not a deck review, this is deck gushing).


The Two of Wands is propped up against my screen because the young girl looks exactly like my MC. The imagery within the cards ignites my creativity by figuring out what this otherworld looks like, to designing eccentric fairies my MC meets along the way, to possible new plot points. I could even do a tarot reading on my MC if I am so pro-actively inclined, but at the moment I am sticking with what images sparks my muse into overdrive.

So if you ever feel stuck in a writer's rut, give tarot a try.

This entry was originally posted at http://on-the-wing.dreamwidth.org/71592.html. Please feel free to comment here or over there using OpenID.

For nearly a year, I made it a point to check out Daul Kim's blog every day. She was bright and witty, lived the fabulous life of a top model, but also wrote with a raw honesty that frequently made me wonder. No more wondering. Kim was found dead in her Paris apartment yesterday, apparently a suicide. She was 20 years old.

It is a heartbreaking pity.